I swear to god, if I don't die from the flu. (Or, The Benefits of the Influenza Virus on the Male Figure)

If I don't die from the flu before I procreate, my spawn are gonna be immune to damn near everything. And it will all be thanks to me, good old dad. Seriously, I've had this damn flu for like a week, I spent two days with a fever, then three and a half days where my throat hurt so much that I couldn't do anything even the least bit physically demanding without going into a disgusting coughing fit that generally resulted in me expelling a bunch of super gross green shit from my lungs all over anything nearby. Then my damn ears started to get plugged up with some damn weird stuff. The first time it hurt really bad and it made me super angry, but it went away after a few hours. Then the next day it started earlier in the day and lasted longer and it just barely went away by the time my friends came over to watch The Deer Hunter. Then it happened and hasn't gone away since. It doesn't hurt anymore, I think because my eardrum is probably stretching and expanding to make room for more fluid or whatever the hell is in there making it so I can't really hear shit.

This sucks. I hate life right now.

Also haven't eaten in like three days because I haven't had any appetite. Three whole days and I've put nothing into my body but water, tea, and Coke. I feel like I should eat because it might help me get better faster, but I really just don't feel like eating anything. Silver lining, though, it made me lose a few pounds and I look fucking goooood.

I'm a damn superhero. And I have a blogger!

You ever have one of those days where you feel like the best person in the world because you did something that normal people do every single day of their lives? But it's super special because YOU did it? I do. Guess what I did today? I went to the damn bank like a boss and deposited TWO checks. Then I went to MINET and paid my cable/internet bill. THE WHOLE THING. ALL AT ONCE. I even had to stand there for a couple minutes while the secretary chick ran my card and printed me a receipt. Now I'm back at home writing about it, ON A BLOG. I could just as easily have sit here and watched the news (something about letter bombs) and been humble and not write a word about how great I am because I went to the bank and paid my cable bill. Could have. Didn't.

Also on the topics of things I didn't do. New years resolutions. I hate them. Hate them with more passion than I hate a lot of things. I hate the idea that people think because a new year has started (an arbitrary date, by the way. We should really be using a lunar calendar.) that for some reason they make some half-hearted pledge to do some either overly ambitious or nearly insignificant thing to attempt to make themselves better people. That is god damned absurd. The fact is that they probably thought up this plan a few minutes before midnight while slugging down booze and trying to pick who to pork tonight out of a slovenly crowd of equally drunk people.

Yes I'm probably being overly critical. I'm fine with that. I have a clogged up ear so I can barely hear out of my left side and it is pissing me off. So I'm allowing myself to bitch and whine.

I'm still awesome, though. Because I was a responsible grown-up today.